Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The best political satire I've ever read.

I received an email this morning that contained a terrific piece of political satire. In fact, it was so good that I wanted to share it with everyone on my mailing list. Like so many other serious jokes that are attributed to someone, before I pass them along I check them out. This particular joke was attributed to Don Rickles, the famous comedian who practically invented the art of making sarcasm funny but in fact, it was NOT spoken by him. It turns out that according to Urban Legends it was written by Doug Ross on his blog Doug Ross @ Journal in March 2009. I am going to forward this email to my friends but I will attribute the writing to the correct person. Doug Ross hit the nail(s) right on the head.
By the way, the sections in blue were also written by Doug Ross but for some unknown reason were removed from the email I received. I feel compelled to set the record straight and give credit where credit is due.
Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?

Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard. Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.

Speaking of the Speaker ... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talks like an idiot but don't let that fool you. She really is an idiot.
Madame Speaker... want to make twelve bucks the hard way?
Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.

Charlie Rangel ... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft?
Rangel's the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He's the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.

Barney Frank ... he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider that he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown, and they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're still heading up the financial system!
Let's all admit it ... Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain.. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that's right ... he's from Massachusetts . That's the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!

You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him.
Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a "lying weasel," it may be time to retire.
Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons . Even Rangel looks up to him!

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you ... especially given your upbringing ~ All you've overcome. I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
Gibbs does his best expositional work in the bathroom every morning.

As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama's arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree.
Now it's true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really was Barack.
Just don't ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record ... he actually lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton.
As far as his administration -- what with the tax cheat and lobbyists -- well, in the words of Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there."
This last part was NOT written by Doug Ross but it was tacked on the email I received. Since it also happens to be true as well as sarcastic I am adding it as it was received. This also prompts me to add this caution to other emails that contain political humor attributed to some famous person. Before you forward them to your friends you ought to check out who really did say it and who did not. For some strange reason a lot of liberals seem to be getting credit for saying so very conservative things and that seems to be giving them a false reputation.

President Obama just completed the UNHOLY and ANTI-AMERICAN TRIFECTA:

1st president in 110 years to miss the annual Army-Navy Football Game.
1st president to not attend any Christmas religious observance.
1st president to stay on vacation after a terrorist attack.


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